What a great piece of writing Hafsah! You’ve used some really adventurous vocabulary, like “numb”, “freezing” and “pitch black” which is wonderful.
Just have a look at your sentence starters though – nearly every sentence begins with “I”. Could you change some of them so that they start with an exciting adverb or adjective?
Hello to all of class BS!
I love your 100 word challenge writing, Keep it up!
I was in Mrs Boydon and Mrs Stokes class last year!
I bet you are having a great time in year 6 (It’s the best year of Primary,especially when you have brilliant teachers!)!
Good Luck in the future and keep blogging!
Zaynah 🙂
Hello Hafsah. I enjoyed this piece of writing. You made it very interesting by using all of your senses to describe sounds and feelings as well as what you could see. I agree with Mrs Boydon that next time I would love to see some different sentence openers.
What a great piece of writing Hafsah! You’ve used some really adventurous vocabulary, like “numb”, “freezing” and “pitch black” which is wonderful.
Just have a look at your sentence starters though – nearly every sentence begins with “I”. Could you change some of them so that they start with an exciting adverb or adjective?
Thanks for replying!
That’s my pleasure!
Great story Hafsah
Well done Hafsah there is some great use of adjectives in there!
Hello to all of class BS!
I love your 100 word challenge writing, Keep it up!
I was in Mrs Boydon and Mrs Stokes class last year!
I bet you are having a great time in year 6 (It’s the best year of Primary,especially when you have brilliant teachers!)!
Good Luck in the future and keep blogging!
Zaynah 🙂
Hello Hafsah. I enjoyed this piece of writing. You made it very interesting by using all of your senses to describe sounds and feelings as well as what you could see. I agree with Mrs Boydon that next time I would love to see some different sentence openers.
Thank you. I agree aswell