I love the way you make the reader feel warm and relaxed at the start of the piece, and then BANG…shocking slips leads to unconsciousness! Also, you have a very good range of vocabulary by the way 🙂
Well done Hafsah you put in a good range of vocabulary, and at the beggining it was quite calm but at the end it was really dramatic and it grabs the readers attention. Great! 🙂
I love the way you make the reader feel warm and relaxed at the start of the piece, and then BANG…shocking slips leads to unconsciousness! Also, you have a very good range of vocabulary by the way 🙂
Well Done! You forgot to put in ‘all we/I see was water’. After all it was okay.
Nicely done! Great story! I like how you described things.
Well done Hafsah you put in a good range of vocabulary, and at the beggining it was quite calm but at the end it was really dramatic and it grabs the readers attention. Great! 🙂